11. Satisfaction with sex life

Another positive development is, that the difference between men and women regarding opinions on the pleasantness of the last intercourse and of sexual intercourse has decreased. Experiences of intercourse of both genders are more egalitarian. Still, women would have preferred intercourse to have been preceded by more foreplay than men did. Women now think less of the importance of sex life for the happiness of a relationship as do men; earlier there was no difference in this respect between genders.

How satisfying did people find their sex life as a whole? In 1992 85% of all men and 83% of all women were at least moderately satisfied with their sex life. Very satisfied were 27% and 32%, respectively. Four per cent of men and 6% of women thought their sex life was unsatisfactory. No differences were detected between the satisfaction of men and women under 55, but women of 55 years and up were distinctly more dissatisfied with their sex life than were men and younger women. Approximately one in ten thought it unsatisfactory. Unmarried people are more satisfied with their sex life than before; this is partly a consequence of increased cohabitation.

How satisfied were people with the amount of sexual intercourse in their relationship? When studying this question, we noted that men and women in the age group 25-34 wanted more frequent sexual intercourse, although they already had intercourse more frequently than average. Men also wanted more frequent sexual intercourse distinctly more often than women did. More frequent sexual intercourse was on the wishing list of 40% of all men and 16% of all women. Relatively few found their frequency of sexual intercourse exaggerated.

Fifteen per cent of young and middle-aged women were satisfied with having intercourse at most a few times a month. Three quarters of the women that had intercourse once a week were satisfied with this, but satisfaction of nearly all young and middle-aged women used to a regular sex life, requires sexual intercourse two or three times a week. Men and women over 55 were satisfied with significantly less frequent sexual intercourse. The great majority were satisfied with a few times a month. Only a few men or women of this age group had sexual intercourse more than two or three times a week.

What kind of sex life is found especially satisfying? According to results of a regression analysis, the following factors explain independently the satisfaction of sex life as a whole:

- a person loves somebody;
- a person receives love;
- only a short time has elapsed since the most recent sexual intercourse;
- the partner often performed oral sex on the respondent;
- both took the initiative for the most recent intercourse;
- no alcohol was drunk before the most recent intercourse and
- a long time had elapsed since the most recent masturbation.

These seven factors explain the satisfaction with sex life to 25% regarding men and to 27% regarding women. Women found mutual initiative and the absence of alcohol slightly more important than did men, and greater frequency of sexual intercourse increased the sexual satisfaction of men more than that of women.

Due to correlations between different explaining variables, all the sexual techniques discussed earlier did not significantly influence assessments on the pleasantness of sex life. Of the factors included in the preliminary analyses the following were left out: acquainting oneself with sexual printed materials, the use of sex accessories and equipment, positions used in the most recent intercourse, performing oral sex on the partner, satisfying the partner manually and anal intercourse. These factors did not influence views on the pleasantness of sex life when other factors were standardized. Nevertheless, many of them correlate with sexual satisfaction when the impact of the other variables is not standardized.

Coitus-centered sex is considered the most satisfying, especially when both take the initiative and when the partner frequently offered the respondent oral sex. The use of alcohol immediately before the last intercourse and masturbation a short time ago are related to dissatisfaction with sex life. As stated earlier, they are associated with a life without a partner.

When assessing the pleasantness/unpleasantness of sexual intercourse, almost all men have found them at least fairly pleasant, in 1971 as well as in 1992. A good 40% found them very pleasant. In 1971 only 80% of women found their sexual intercourse pleasant, but that percentage was almost on par with men in 1992, 95%. A significantly greater part of women now finds intercourse pleasant. Apparently those women, who did not quite know how to assess their sexual intercourse in 1971, now find them pleasant. Sexual intercourse is found very pleasant by 35% of women.

Men and women under 45 have approximately the same views on the pleasantness of sexual intercourse, but in 1992 only 75% of women over 55 found sexual intercourse pleasant. Approximately one in five of the women in this age group cannot say whether they find intercourse pleasant or unpleasant. They were young at a time when the sexual satisfaction of women was not regarded as important. As some of these women have viewed the matter as a duty, they have not enjoyed their sex life very much.

Also when assessing their most recent sexual intercourse, women have found it more pleasant than before. The proportion of women who found their last sexual intercourse at least fairly pleasant rose from 81% to 90%. Simultaneously the views of men and women on the pleasantness of sexual intercourse have become almost identical. Approximately 45% of both sexes found their most recent sexual intercourse very pleasant.

Women under 35 are even more satisfied with their most recent sexual intercourse than men of the same age group. More than half of these women have found their most recent sexual intercourse very pleasant. Their experience of sexual intercourse differs greatly from that of women over 55, of which only a good half found their most recent sexual intercourse at least rather pleasant. One in ten then found it unpleasant and one in ten does not remember what her most recent sexual intercourse felt like.

Already in 1971 these women, born 1917-1936, found sexual intercourse - their most recent as well as in general - more unpleasant than did younger women and men of their own age. Regarding intercourse as unpleasant has but increased in these age cohorts. Partly this is due to aging, but the main reasons are found in the sexual life patterns of the generation to which these women belong. Many aging women have had a very distant relationship with sex. A sex life that is not found very interesting, can easily generate unpleasant experiences. The effects of aging show also in the figures related to men, but 90% of even elderly men find their last sexual intercourse at least fairly pleasant.

The effects of gender and marital status on the pleasantness of sexual intercourse have decreased. Formerly men found sexual intercourse much more pleasant than women did, and married people found them more pleasant than unmarried. Gender and marital status seem to influence the pleasantness of sexual intercourse in general, not that of the most recent one. People who have not established any permanent relationship found their most recent sexual intercourse as pleasant as did married persons.

When looking for connections between individual factors we noticed that men found their last sexual intercourse very pleasant when both partners had the initiative and many positions or the woman-on-top position were used. The activity of the woman was thus the factor, which made sexual intercourse feel very pleasant. According to women, sexual intercourse to which both or the women had taken the initiative and in which several positions had been used was the most pleasurable. Such sexual intercourse was often found very pleasant, scoring 30% points higher than other sexual intercourse.

Enrichment of sex life during the last 20 years are also evident in the fact that people find their permanent relationships (1971: marriages) to be happier. The percentage regarding their permanent relationship as at least fairly happy rose from 80% in 1971 to approximately 90% in 1992. Very few (1- 2%) thought that their relationship was unhappy.

The happiness of the steady relationship was very strongly related to how happy people think their life is in general. In this study the same percentages, 64% of men and 69% of women, found both their permanent relationship and life to be happy on the five-degree scale very happy - very unhappy. Many men, 27%, and women, 21%, considered their life to be happier than their permanent relationship.

Among young people, women emphasize the happiness of their relationship more than men do, but there is no difference in this respect after the age of 35. Approximately half of young women and one third of young men found their permanent relationship very happy. Only one in four of men and women over 45 considered their permanent relationship to be very happy. Even if the relationship is not considered unhappy, satisfaction declines with age.

A factor analysis was performed to get deeper information on satisfaction provided by sex life. The factors measuring the satisfaction with sex life have two basic dimensions. The first one is designated enjoying intercourse, describing the pleasantness of sexual intercourse and having orgasms. The other factor describes the happiness of the permanent relationship. This is a combination of the ease of discussing sexual matters with the partner, the happiness of the relationship and general satisfaction with sex life.

(sisennys!) The scale for enjoying intercourse was obtained by summing the following four five-degree (or modified as such) parts: the pleasantness of the most recent intercourse, pleasantness of intercourse in general, orgasm in the most recent intercourse and getting an orgasm in general. The reliability of the scale, measured with the alpha of Cronbach, is .70.

(sisennys jatkuu!) The scale for the happiness of the relationship was obtained by summing the following three five- degree (or modified as such) parts: ease of discussing sexual matters with the partner, the happiness of the relationship and general satisfaction with sex life. The reliability of this scale is .63.

(ei enää sisennetty!) Factors influencing the two dimensions of sexual satisfaction, enjoyment of intercourse and the happiness of the relation, were further studied by MC analysis.

Enjoying intercourse is related to male gender, youth, living in a permanent relationship or cohabitation and with frequent sex in this steady relationship. This is the case, even when the impact of other explaining factors is standardized.

Youth, good education, frequent sex in the steady relationship and lack of alternative sex (masturbation, sex materials and equipment, oral sex and manual satisfaction of the partner) are related to the happiness of the couple relationship. Well educated, religious and temperate people also found their relationship to be happier than average. A good social status and traditional values - religiosity and temperance - are thus associated with the happiness of the relationship.

The results indicate that unhappy couple relationships are a feature of a secularized life style. Or is it easier for the secularized and less educated people to break the happiness barrier (Roos 1988) that makes it difficult to admit to strangers that all is not as it should be behind the fažade?

The influence of sexual styles - active sexual life with the steady partner, occasional sex and sexual practices alternative to vaginal intercourse - on sexual satisfaction was also studied using cross- tabulation. People's assessment of the overall satisfaction with their sex life was chosen as the factor to be explained.

Best satisfied were all groups engaged in frequent sex in a permanent relationship, i.e. those who had had intercourse quite recently, and who had had it with their spouse or other steady partner. Men, who frequently had sex with their steady partner, who had had only one sex partner in their entire life, and who did not practice alternative sex (masturbation, sex materials, oral and manual sex), found their sex life especially rewarding. This group included just 39 men.

Most dissatisfied were the men and women who had little sex with a steady partner, who had had many casual sexual relationships and who have not resorted to sex techniques alternative to vaginal intercourse. But when those who do not have frequent sex in a permanent relationship and who have had many occasional relationships venture to use alternative techniques - masturbation, sexual equipment, oral and manual sex - in order to achieve sexual satisfaction they are better satisfied with their sex life. Sex techniques other than vaginal intercourse can thus partly make up for problems arising through the lack of regular sex in a permanent relationship.

People without sex activities of any kind were fairly satisfied with their sex life. These 'sexless' people were elderly: the average age of the men was 57, that of the women 61. Their non-existent sex life does not seem to pose problems. Some elderly people find their sex life satisfactory, even when it does not involve any sexual activity. Perhaps their complacency is a consequence of scant expectations.

Those who lack sex in a permanent relationship or occasional sex, but use alternative sex techniques are young, men 31 years and women 33 years, on an average. These men are discontented with their sex life, women as contented as all women on an average. Some young women, who do not have a permanent relationship and refrain from occasional sex have learned to get sexual satisfaction from sexual accessories and masturbation. However, there were only 13 such women in the sample.

From a practical point of view, it is important to know that sex techniques alternative to vaginal intercourse increase satisfaction. Anyone can, after all, use them. What humans cannot do, is change their age or gender; both do, partly for biological reasons, influence satisfaction. When striving towards greater satisfaction it pays to look at things that can be influenced. Besides sex techniques alternative to vaginal intercourse, such influences are, as could be expected, regular sexual intercourse and a well- known partner.