9. Well-known and unknown partners: foreigners and colleagues

As the majority of adults live in a permanent relationship, and they usually had had only one sex partner during the last year, one can presume that the most recent partner in intercourse was the respondent's own steady partner. That really was the case. The last sexual intercourse was mostly with the spouse or the cohabiting person (76%) or another steady partner (15%). Nine out of ten (87% of men and 92% of women) had sex last with their steady partner, while 9% of men and 6% of women had their most recent intercourse with an otherwise well-known person. Intercourse with a person they did not know beforehand was engaged in by 3.5 per cent of men and 1.5 per cent of women.

Between 80% and 85% of women aged 25 and up and men aged 35 and up had intercourse last with their spouse or cohabiting partner. Younger people had their most recent intercourse with a steady partner almost as frequently; only this partner was more seldom a spouse or a cohabiting person. Men under 25 had their most recent intercourse with a person they did not know before most frequently (12%).

A free agent was the latest partner of 16% of men and 10% of women. With the exception of the youngest age groups, approximately one in ten of men and women reported that their latest partner was not committed to somebody else. In the age group under 25, 40% of men and 19% of women had had a free agent partner.

Three per cent of men and 4% of women had their most recent intercourse with the spouse or steady partner of someone else. The percentage of such partners was almost the same in all age groups. Unemployed men had more such liaisons than other men. For the partners, this sexual intercourse was a parallel sexual relationship. We return to these further below. A prostitute was the most recent sex partner of 0.4% of men, all under 45.

Along with the increasing internationalization, Finns have started getting foreign sex partners. According to the 1992 study, 20% of men and 13% of women had had an either steady or occasional sexual relationship with a foreign person, either on a trip abroad, living abroad or in Finland. Percentages were calculated on the entire material, including also those that did not answer one or some of these questions. One particular question, that on sex partners while living abroad, was unanswered by many; most Finns have never lived abroad, so they did not feel that this question was relevant.

Approximately half of the men and one third of the women who reported having had a sexual relationship with a foreigner, reported two or more such relationships. Approximately one tenth of men and women had engaged in sexual relationships with foreigners in Finland. Women had had an equal number of these relationships in Finland and abroad, while men had had double the number of relationships while travelling abroad. Of men, 12% had had intercourse during trips abroad. A few per cent of men and women had had sexual relationships with foreigners while living abroad.

Among the younger age groups there was no difference between women and men in the number of relationships with foreigners. As of age 35 and up, men have had these relationships to a radically greater extent. This is partly due to the fact that men do more business travelling than women. The men who participated in this study had had 3.2 travel days a month, while women had had only 0.6 a month. Moreover, from the age 35 upwards, many men had sexual experiences with foreign prostitutes. Prostitute services had been bought by 45% of men who reported several sexual relationships with foreigners in Finland or abroad. Among those who had had one sexual experience with a foreigner, 28% had purchased sex at some time.

Upper white-collar employee men and self-employed businessmen are the social groups that most frequently had a sexual relationship during trips abroad. These groups do indeed travel abroad more frequently than others. Corresponding groups among women are upper white-collar employees and students, who also have more frequent sexual contacts with foreign men in Finland than other groups. The high percentages among the younger age groups suggest that sexual relations with foreigners are growing more frequent.

Among men, sexual relations with foreigners in Finland are concentrated to persons who have had more than ten partners during their lifetime. This applies to men of all ages. Of these men, one in five had had a sexual relationship with a foreign woman in Finland. One in two of men who have had 20 partners or more have had a sexual relationship with a foreigner in Finland.

Sexual relations with foreigners were more usual also among women who had had many partners. Women differ from men in that they have had sexual relationships with foreigners also when they had not had too many partners altogether. Of all women under 36 years of age with only one lifetime partner, this partner was a foreigner in 5% of all cases. Even the initiation of sex life seems to be getting international, as far as Finnish women are concerned.

Approximately one in ten of men has had a sexual relationship with a foreigner, even if they had had only a few partners all in all. Middle-aged men had had more travel relationships than younger men. Intercourse with a foreigner during trips abroad was had by 30% of young men who had had ten partners or more and 50% of middle-aged men with ten partners or more. Relations with foreigners were rare for men over 55, especially over 65; they concentrated to the group with many partners.

For women, sexual relations with foreigners concentrated to women with many partners. Younger women with only two or three intercourse partners tend to have had one sexual relation with a foreigner. Among older women, relations with foreigners were rare, irrespective of the total number of sexual partners.

A joint activity leads to informal interaction and feelings of attachment (Homans 1951). Erotic and sexual relations at the job were not very widely studied before the 1980s. There are some theories and some information from USA and England (Hearn and Parkin 1987, Collins 1983, Gutek et al. 1990, Quinn 1977). According to earlier research, some two out of five Finns have at least once fallen in love or gotten infatuated with a colleague or with another person encountered at work (Haavio- Mannila et al. 1984, Haavio-Mannila 1988). There is approximately the same number of love affairs on the job in the other Nordic countries and in the United States. In the former Soviet Union they were rarely mentioned (Haavio-Mannila 1992, Haavio-Mannila 1993). Young, well-educated people and white-collar personnel who meet lots of people of the opposite sex in the course of their work, report the highest frequency of love affairs at the job.

The percentage of people fallen in love at work had increased slightly since 1981. At that time 36% of urban, employed men and 38% of such women reported having fallen in love at the job at some time (Haavio-Mannila et al. 1984). In 1992, 46% of men and 40% of women reported having fallen in love or getting infatuated with a colleague or another person they had met at work. Job romances do not always last long. Only 4% of respondents were in love with an acquaintance at the job. Every other one of these had already established a permanent relationship with that person. At present, falling in love at work does not vary greatly with age. The oldest women had had the fewest job romances.

Very many people get infatuated or fall in love with a colleague or with another person that they meet at the job in spite of being married or cohabiting with someone else. This was reported to be the case by 49% of men and 40% of women. Marriage or cohabitation was a particularly low obstacle for the job romances of older men.

Job romances bring pleasure and happiness to most people (66% of men and 76% of women thought so) or lead into a pleasant, friendly relationship (84% and 82%). A sexual relationship was attached to the job romance in more than a third of all cases (38% of men and 34% of women with experiences of job romances). A sexual relation with someone they fell in love with at work was entered into by 17% of all employed men and 13% of all employed women.

In earlier research the percentage of job romances leading to a sexual relationship was slightly higher (Haavio-Mannila 1988). This might be explained by the fact that the earlier respondents did not represent all parts of Finland and all sectors of employment: they lived in Southern Finland and represented professions where both sexes were unusually well represented. In the representative study of 1981 (Haavio-Mannila et al. 1984) no questions were asked on the consequences of job romances.

The latest love at work was married or cohabited with by 12% of men and 17% of women; 30% of the oldest age group had married the object of their love. The percentage of marriage with a man they met at work was also slightly higher (21%) than average among women in the age group 25-34.

Besides its positive consequences, a job romance can also lead to problems, as the two roles of a person, those of a professional and a sexual actor, may be conflicting. Of those who had fallen in love at work, 16% of men and 24% of women talked about heartache and pain as the consequences of the last infatuation or falling in love with a colleague or another person at work. Especially youngish women (aged 24-44) had suffered heartaches as a consequence of their romance. Jealousy had been experienced by 14% of men and 16% of women, while 11% of men and 9% of women had noticed envy and resentment at the job in connection with their last love.

Envy and resentment occurred more commonly at the jobs of older respondents than at those of the younger ones. Job romances are perhaps regarded as a more natural element of the lives of the young rather than those of older people. Attitudes towards job romances may have changed for the more liberal with time. The oldest respondents could have described infatuations and loves from decades back in time.

Sexual intercourse is not a very social event, except for the two people participating in it. Usually people try to conceal it from others and do it in as intimate circumstances as possible. Sexual intercourse involving many people are an exception from this general rule. Sexual intercourse involving more than two persons is called group sex.

Relationships that lead to group sex are relatively rare. Only 1.4% of men and 0.8% of women have participated in sexual events involving at least four people. These are distributed rather evenly among the various age groups.

Sexual intercourse involving three people have occurred more frequently, the most usual configuration being one man and two women. Nine per cent of all men report at least one such experience, most frequently men aged around 30. Two per cent of women have had intercourse with two men simultaneously.

Four per cent of men and a good per cent of women have engaged in intercourse with a man and a woman. In the case of men, these experiences are concentrated to the middle-aged. Group sex with two persons of the same gender (homosexual group sex) had been tried by 1.1% of men and 0.6% of women. With the exception of young women, these experiences are quite evenly distributed among the various age groups.

When comparing the answers on group sex given by men and women, men emerge so experienced that the veracity of the result merits some pondering. The situation one man and two women is reported by 9% of men and 1% of women, the situation two men and one woman by 4% of men and 2% of women. Do men tend to brag about having had two women, even if this had not occurred in reality? Or do women find it difficult to admit that they have shared a man with someone else? It is difficult to provide answers to these questions here. Partly the wider experience of group sex reported by men may arise out of services provided by prostitutes.